Saturday, March 5, 2011

Born this way



God makes no mistakes, says Lady Gaga.

God might not make mistakes, but this guy did coming to the auto show with his face a mess.

Chicago. Night shift. Almost to closing. I see him coming from the side, from a distance. The peripheral view was "male middle aged suburban sedan driver." I was busy doing something and didn't give him a full look until he was right up on me.

The full view was actually "male middle aged suburban sedan driver who wears BRIGHT BLUE EYESHADOW AND RED LIPSTICK."

Everything except his face was totally regular and non-descript. Pleated khakis, blah green polo shirt. You know. Dude clothes. "Dude who works in a cubicle and wants to cut his wrists because his life is so boring" clothes, but definitely not "Dude who wants to look and feel like a pretty pretty princess" clothes.

What is with these half-assed trannies? Seriously guys, you should be ashamed of yourselves. If you want to dress up like a woman I won't judge you, but f-ing do it right. Here's a hint: Women don't have male patterned baldness. Pretty pretty princesses wouldn't be caught dead in pleated khakis. Try a wig. Some bronzer. A dress, for the love of Ru Paul.

There is no need to be walking around the auto show in your man clothes with your man walk with Tammy Fay Baker face scurrin' all the models. Srsly, it puts the lotion in the basket.

If you're gonna go, go balls out. Or balls tucked, as it were.

8 comments:

  1. If you don't wear a dress the terrorists win!

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  2. He wants your love and he wants your revenge...

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  3. Wow. That's a lot of hate for a guy who just wanted to wear a little eye shadow.

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  4. Maybe he is a professional tranny by trade and had just gotten off of work and only had time to throw on his casual clothes and run out the door. If that were the case, I'd say your assessment of his clothes as "Dude who works in a cubicle and wants to cut his wrists because his life is so boring" is highly inaccurate. My guess is his 'cubicle' is the street corner, and by 'cut his wrist' he actually wants to 'give lots of handjobs'. The part about his job being boring is a toss-up. I'm sure tranny hookers get bored at work too.

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  5. For the record, it is not hate for a man wearing eye shadow, nor is it hate for anyone expressing their gender identity the way they see fit. It's hate for anyone doing anything half-assed. If you're gonna do it, do it right. Put on a quality wig, a great dress and killer heels. Please don't forget the Spanx.

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  6. Woman, you must see it ALL.
    but then again, that's why you've got this blog!

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  7. by far your best post...and I am including Barefoot Freaks. Thank you for the ab workout in giggle town!

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  8. Umm maybe his girlfriend put it on him and he forgot to take it off? LOL.

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