The car humper

Why is your child dry humping my car?

No really, why is your THREE YEAR OLD CHILD DRY HUMPING MY CAR????

Somehow the radio still worked. Before the show starts our techs go in and remove a bunch of fuses, some for safety and some for the annoyance factor. I really don't care to be repeatedly sprayed with wiper fluid, for example, so that's removed. Usually the stereo fuse is removed too, but sometimes for various reasons it isn't.

At this show, in this car, it wasn't. And when the stereo fuse is still in and active, the radio gets blared and it is never, ever music that you would want blared at a family event like an auto show. Usually the n-word is involved, or f-bombs, or graphic descriptions of things that would make Charlie Sheen blush and would make my boss go totally apoplectic, and rightly so.

So the parents climb into the car and the two kids and a couple of other adults they were with are hanging outside, and Daddy Dearest cranks up the stereo - I believe it was 50 Cent and Jeremih, Down On Me. All hell broke loose.

Shouts of joy erupt from the car. Highly energetic dancing begins. The children are not excluded from this. Usually I love watching little kids dance, because it's adorable and they're so happy doing it.

But this was just disturbing.

This baby, no more than three and possibly younger, threw her leg up on the bumper and started dry humping it, very slowly and deliberately. That was her dance move. And she was looking around as she was doing it to make sure Mommy and Daddy saw what a good dancer she was.

This was not a cute little "Oh look at baby shake her booty!" nor was it like those kids doing the Singles Ladies dance. This child was going to town on the car video vixen style, with a very deliberate grinding motion. (Great hips on that kid, by the way - they should get her into dance class.)

And instead of being embarrassed or stopping her and explaining how/why the behavior was inappropriate (and I don't care what you say, such obvious sexual acting out is inappropriate for a child that age, even if she doesn't know what she's doing) her parents cheered her on. And she kept humping the bumper.

Children don't just come up with this behavior off the tops of their heads, of course. She has seen Mommy do it, or she has seen it on TV and emulated it and got an encouraging response from her parents, like the one she got at the show, and kept doing it.

Chris Rock says the most important thing a man can do for his daughter is keep her off the pole. Judging from the way this poor child is already behaving, so highly sexually-charged, I think she may already have a pole installed in her nursery.

Does HE come with the car?

I often get asked (obviously by people who never go to auto shows) if any men work there. There are a ton of guys who do the same job I do, the exact same job I do, yet no one debates whether or not they actually know anything about cars or believes that they should accept being subjected to ritual sexual harassment because they happen to be physically attractive, right?

Trust and believe, they are subject to that same sexual harassment. It is on a lesser scale and they may usually find it less threatening and/or icky than we women do, but it is there.

A conversation I overheard at a show last week, between a female customer and a Booth Bro (imagine very flirtatious tone from lady and confused, then 'over it' tone from Booth Bro):

Lady (and I use that term loosely): "Don't you get tired of standing around in the same suit every day?"

Booth Bro: "Uh, this is a $1500 suit, so no, I'm pretty happy about it."

Lady: "So you just get to stand there and look good in your expensive suit?"

Booth Bro: "Yeah lady, that's all I do. Your husband's calling you."

I didn't get a look at her husband, but I wonder if that's because he was off somewhere hitting on a booth babe. Maybe they're swingers and were trying to pick up their entertainment for the evening.

I don't know what school of flirting this woman went to. Remedial classes, obviously. Despite her wildly flirtatious tone of voice, she managed to insult him not just once, but multiple times - first by implying that his job was boring, second by pretty much saying there was nothing else worth commenting about regarding his job other than his outfit, then by saying all he does is stand around and look good, and finally by subconsciously trying to emasculating two men: My coworker with all of these insults, and her husband by flirting with another man.

Thank god he wasn't wearing a skirt - she totally would have tried to stick her camera under it.

May the force be with you

Volkswagon's Super Bowl commercial is already my favorite : )