Monday, August 1, 2011

Snakes on a car

I have had it with these motherf-ing snakes on my motherf-ing car!

OMG I can't even watch this video without squealing in horror. Jesus. I would do the exact same thing and not pull over. What, were they supposed to give that snake the chance to climb in the car and eat their babies? It must have been in the engine block before they took off. OMG I am freaking out over this.

True story: One day my cousin was driving down the highway when a motherf-ing snake dropped into his lap. It was just a garter snake but Christ that would have been my death right there. I usually excel at accident avoidance but at that moment I would have been freaking out so hard I'd drive into a tree or off a cliff and the snake would slither away and no one would ever know what caused such a horrible accident. "There aren't even any skidmarks," the perplexed police would say.

Did I mention that the snake in this video is a water moccasin? The deadliest snake in North America??? No?

I am a huge animal lover but don't feel the least bit badly that they let the snake fall off the car into oncoming traffic. While I appreciate the fact that we all have a part in the great circle of life and the food chain, they can be part of the food chain in some God forsaken swamp where I will never go. Snakes don't have souls. I decided.


  1. Seriously? You couldn't stop and let the snake get off the car without opening your door? Give it 5 minutes to try to get off, it certainly looked like it was trying to get away from the moving car.

    Sounds like you're a HUGE animal lover.

  2. Seriously? You couldn't figure out that this isn't my video? It's called YouTube sharing. Welcome to 2011, Einstein.

  3. Ho God, i am much scary about snakes, if it happened to me i ill be died...,

  4. Awwww. :( That definitely wasn't a water moccasin. From what I could see on the video, it looked like a (non-venomous) grey rat snake. They're relatively even-tempered, make great pets, and max out at about 6 feet, maybe 7 for a really gigantic one.

    It's also a bit of stretch to characterize the cottonmouth (aka water moccasin) as the deadliest snake in North America but, to be fair, it is arguably the meanest of the North American pit vipers. Put it this way: In a previous life--or at least long enough ago to seem like one--I worked with most of the snakes native to Florida, including the venomous ones. The cottonmouth was the only species I ever had nightmares about.

    Now that I've established myself as a pedantic jerk, let me say that I really do enjoy your blog. You know a lot more about cars than I do!

  5. Several years back, while getting ready to head off to an autocross, I found a baby black rat snake curled up in the shift boot of my Subaru flicking its little tongue at me. I had a bruise the shape of my seatbelt across my hips from trying to get out with the belt still on, a bruise on my shoulder trying to open the door without using the door latch, and the car eventually made that horrible grinding noise when the parking brake is on, the car's in gear, and the driver releases the clutch while leaping out without killing the engine. I've heard that snakes are more afraid of me than I am of them--I seriously doubt that.

  6. Anything that can bite me and kill me is the enemy. I don't particularly care how wonderful it is in the circle of life, if it's in a position to threaten my existence, so long.

  7. Interesting read, thanks for helping keep me busy at work ;)


Please leave a comment below - I do so love to hear from my public. I reserve the right to delete anything I want because it's my blog. Any guesses as to my identity will be deleted immediately. Spammers will be forced to attend a full season of monster truck rallies.