Friday, June 11, 2010

Learn how to drive

So as it turns out, I'm not just pissed off at the auto show. I'm pissed off behind the wheel, too. Hmmm, this ire does seem to be all auto-related...


Oh my f-ing god people, can you please learn how to drive?

The things I see on the road every day are horrifying and appalling. I truly have no idea how nearly all of you get your fat a$$es from McDonalds to the bowling alley without killing yourselves and everyone on the road with you.

I just love it when I see people swerving, cutting others off, driving too slow, driving too fast and generally being menaces while on their cell phones. That's my favorite. I also love the parents who are turned all the way around in the drivers seat to yell at their kids while barreling down the highway at 70 MPH, the teenagers reaching down to the floor of the passenger side to grab their fallen iPods (I know a girl that died doing this; she swerved into oncoming traffic and was hit head-on by a semi), the scaredy cats going a whopping 2 miles over the speed limit who slam on their brakes at the first hint of a Crown Vic.

Red light runners, people who leave their blinkers on for eight miles after they turn, people who don't use their blinkers when changing lanes, Unnecessary Trucks straddling two lanes, slow cars in left lane, motorcyclist splitting lanes (I don't care if it's legal where you live, it's stupid), tailgaters, and especially the people that weave in and out of traffic, racing up to the next car, panting on my bumper to wait for the chance to gain one car length, then do it again to the next guy.

Look d-bag, I don't drive slow. Unless you've bought me dinner get off my a$$.

And god help you if you're confronted with a traffic circle. I have seen people thrown into full-blown panic attacks trying to figure these things out. It's a f-ing circle with yield signs, people. If you don't know how to handle a yield sign (which, by the way, was on your drivers license test) then you shouldn't be on public roads.

So when you come to the auto show and talk about how you would either A) drive the sh!t out of this car or B) run circles around this car in whatever POS you currently drive I know that 9 times out of 10 you're a moron who will be lucky to make it out of the convention center parking lot in one piece.


  1. And this was my initial reason for making, so I could rant about bad drivers. Until I found out I was really one of them. argh!

  2. Well said. We hate many of the same people.

  3. I think I love you.

  4. Anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac.

    -George Carlin

  5. send those people to boston for the circles, they have lots of but you are right on how people drive these days.

  6. Hear, hear!

    I aced my driver's license tests, and I think it should be required that you get %95 percent or better to pass. I know people that passed with an appalling %80 and still consider themselves drivers. It is ridiculous.

    I haven't driven in 2 years, just so I can avoid the headache of bad drivers.

  7. "I love racing thats why i m here to appreciate you!
    You have done a great job keep it up."

  8. One of my biggest peeves is people who drive in the passing lane(s), but do not pass. I constantly see cars running about the same speed, four abreast, on my daily commute.

    Anyway, with the driving behavior on the roadways, I'm less surprised we're quickly moving to electronically cars override human input, which makes me sad. These systems seem to be making people even lazier about learning to drive, too.

  9. Recently I had to take my mom to the DMV to renew her license. She had let it lapse--like 7 years ago!-- so I figured she'd need to run the whole gamut of testing again. Instead she was told two interesting things: first, the written test is OPEN BOOK (!?); and second, her record was good enough so they reinstated her license for a nominal fee. Now, while that may sound wonderful to learners and license-lapsers, it scares the shit outta me.

  10. God I've missed your rants....TELL IT SISTA! as a guy who has recently had a traffic circle installed near home I have only one thing to say; he who hesitates is lost (or at least destined to follow me cause I am going)

  11. I cut people off in my SUV at 10+ mph over during peak rush while eating a Whopper and dicking around with my iPhone.

    Being American rules.

    Oh and I'll never slow down for your stupid mutt so you better keep a leash on that mangy thing.

  12. Yield signs in NJ mean DO NOT STOP! The drivers will just slow down and cut you off. I was forced to go from 45 MPH to ZERO in less than 60 feet, not an easy thing to do with my Ford F-150 P/U. They think that yield signs are their god-given right to enter any street or highway at moron-slow speeds. You just entered a freaking highway and you don't know what the gas petal is for? I've learned to cut down on my road rage. I've been advised by a friend who is a traffic officer that I will be shot dead for telling other drivers they are a-holes and I should never, ever follow them and tell them are. New Jersey roads and you- never safe at any time.

  13. Ah, it's so refreshing to hear other people ranting about imbeciles who cannot read the people-mover instructions (over here in the UK, occasionally known as 'travelators'), and those jackasses who gravitate towards the fast lane at half a mile an hour over the speed limit and refuse to budge because everyone queuing up behind them is speeding.

    I realise I'm not going to be the first one to point this out, incidentally, but this is not supposed to be a family-friendly blog - indeed, most of it appears to be attacking stupid people and their parenting/offspring. So, why the excuse for swearing? Profanity is used to underline the point; it's not like anyone here looks at "a$$hole" and is relieved you didn't use the actual letters...

  14. Josh, the change in spelling of obscenities is for the benefit of Google ads, not my readers : )


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