When I worked in corporate hell, one of my biggest gross-outs was when disgusting coworkers would clip their nails at their desks. What the hell is that about? Do you not have a freaking bathroom at home? When I quit and joined the circus I thought I'd be rid of such grodiness for good.
I was wrong.
Another booth babe relayed the following incident:
She was standing at her post behind her information desk when she heard the tell-tale clip-clip-clip sound. She rounded the corner to look where the display's seating area was and found a man. With his shoes and socks off. Clipping his toenails in the middle of the auto show.
Are you f-ing kidding me right now????
People are so god damned disgusting. If I had found him I would have had security throw his ass out of there for being a public health hazard.
Here's a checklist of things you should accomplish before you leave the house to visit me at the auto show:
1. Shower. Take extra care to scrub your armpits and butt crack.
2. Put on three times as much deodorant as you think you need. Skip the half bottle of cheap Wal-Mart perfume you regularly douse yourself with.
3. Brush and floss your teeth, for chrissake. Invest in some Crest Whitestrips while you're at it. They're only $30, easily affordable if you quit your vile cigarette/chewing tobacco habit that's making your mouth look like a bowl of Niblets.
4. Cut your freaking fingernails and toenails in your own bathroom.
5. Put on clean clothes that do not smell like pee.
6. Make sure you dress like a normal human being, otherwise I will take your picture and post it here so the world can see you obviously don't have a mirror at home and maybe start a collection to buy one for you. I consider this a public service.
I know six things might seem like a lot, but I promise you your auto show experience, sex life and job prospects will all improve. Stop being a smelly gross loser.
