Listen up, mothers.
Here are some places you should not be changing your baby's nasty diaper at the auto show:
On my display floor
On the beautiful, expensive lounge seating in my display
In the back of any of my vehicles
On my static or rotating vehicle platform
On my information desk
ANYWHERE BUT THE CHANGING TABLE IN THE BATHROOM
Why is this so g-d difficult to understand? Would you change your own dirty underwear in the middle of the grocery store? Would you purposely expose your child's genitals to a pedophile? It's the same thing!
Just because it's a baby doesn't make it any less disgusting. Do you think anyone wants to look at the giant load your kid took in his pants? Or smell it? Or be exposed to that biohazard? Your laziness - and that's all it could possibly be, because a bathroom is never more than 100 feet away - is putting the health of hundreds, if not thousands, of people at risk.
And you don't know who's looking at you when you're doing this. Do you know how many web cams are broadcasting from the Chicago Auto Show? Five. Do you know how many visitors at the auto show have cameras? All of them. Do you know what the chances are that one of them is a pervert? Pretty high, trust me on that. Do you realize you're taking a pretty big chance that one of them is going to snap a pic of your kid's junk?
Of course not. Of course you didn't think of any of those things, because you're the type of person who thinks it is perfectly okay to change your baby's diaper in the middle of the auto show.