Monday, February 22, 2010

Your kids suck, too

While we're on the subject of disgusting mothers, let's talk about their a$$hole kids while we're at it.

I actually really like kids. Well-behaved kids, well-supervised kids, kids who have been taught to be respectful of property which does not belong to them. I am not a fan of kids who are allowed to do whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to whatever the hell they want.

Here are some things I have seen your kids do at the auto show:
Licking the rear seat control mechanisms
Jumping on the seats of a car that costs more than their college educations will like a trampoline
Wiping their boogers on the steering wheel
Digging in their diapers right before grabbing a door handle
Locking themselves in the trunk
Climbing onto my spinning platform mid-presentation
Trying to break into the private back area of our information desk
Smearing their ice cream cones on the windows
Smashing their sticky lollipops into the seats
Yanking on the turn signal sticks with their full body weight

Actually, I take it back - it isn't the kids who are a$$holes, it's the parents. If I had even contemplated doing any of these things as a child I would have gotten the spanking of my life. The kids don't know any better because their parents haven't taught them to know any better, because the parents are A) incompetent and B) ignorant. You don't bring your kid to an incredibly crowded event then not pay attention to him. You sure as hell don't bring your kid into my incredibly busy display then watch while he tries to destroy this vehicle and expect me to stand idly by. I will kick your kid out of the car, I will use a stern voice, and I will tell you to keep a better eye on your monster if you plan on spending any more time in our display. Don't like it? Imagine how you would feel if I sent my nephew into your office to pour a milkshake all over your Herman Miller chair, set your trash can on fire then vomit on your desk.

We could call it even.


  1. Agree with you 100% here. If you're so inclined, see my comments to the "Disgusting mothers" post for further prick-ish details. I believe you lose all rights to selfishness once you spawn. So my thoughts are, if your kids are too young to act in an appropriate manner, or you're too weak to discipline them properly, don't bring 'em. If you can't find a sitter, quit being selfish, miss the auto show, and take your lil' bundle o' joy to the park instead. Or any other child-friendly place that isn't full of expensive items and adults trying to enjoy their weekend.

  2. Exactly - the problem with kids these days isn't the kids, it's the freaking parents. I'm a parent and if my kids get out of line they know it and the situation is quickly rectified. Anyone who lets their kid destroy/deface someone else's property shouldn't be able to pay their way out of the situation. They should be sent to a parenting class and fined heavily.

  3. Oh my goodness! I had no idea that some parents let their kids do that at auto shows. No wonder the leave barriers around nice cars like the GT3. :)

  4. Hire bouncers at your next show.

  5. I'm not saying this justifies the parents in any way, but these days, you go to spank your kids and then end up having the cops show up for abuse...

    It's stupid how people have become so laid back with raising their kids and by giving them "waaay" too much freedom, with everything...

  6. A few years back, I was admiring the back seat of a Jaguar XJ and I notice a bunch of little kids running around it. When it came time for me to get out, I closed the door right behind me. Wouldn't you know it, I smashed some little girl's finger in the door jamb. It took me and a Jaguar rep 2-3 minutes to find this kid's parents, who then shoot me the worst looks! It's a good thing the rep was there to essentially defend me. I came away from that experience liking Jaguars and hating kids more than I already do.

  7. I don't believe in taking children places where they will be uncomfortable and not capable of behaving in an appropriate manner, but auto shows are not one of those places. I first went to the Detroit auto show before it was at Cobo Hall so that means I was about 5. My dad made it a family outing every year.

    Children learn how to behave. They also have as much right to be at a car show as Charles does. As a matter of fact, I think Charles is engaging in a bit of projection when he complains about selfish brats.

    Oh well, perhaps in a few years when he's less self-centered he'll have a more mature and understanding perspective.

    Would I subject a 3 year old to 4 hours at a big car show? No, any toddler will get cranky in that kind of a situation, but if a kid is in a stroller or otherwise supervised, I happen to think that it's a good thing to teach them how to behave in adult places like restaurants. If they misbehave, take them outside.

    Believe me, as aggravating as screaming kids (and clueless parents can be) I'd rather have a kid in the seat next to me on a plane than have someone, as happened on my last flight, bring their little Yorkshire Terrier onto the plane.

  8. Children shouldn't be at car shows anyways. You'd think the parents would understand that. The car shows are for bobby blondies and narcissistic guys. lol.


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