Thursday, April 8, 2010

Put your shoes back on, you pig

Today while working the New York International Auto Show I saw no less than three people walk through my display barefoot. BARE. FOOT. No shoes. No socks. Gross feet on gross floor, carrying their shoes. All three were women.

So here's what I assume happened: These dumb b!tches decided to break out their new strappy summer sandals for the first time in this glorious New York spring weather, on a day when they would be walking a good half mile at least just to get from their parking spot to Javitz, then another solid three hours on multiple floors covering the show and then were SHOCKED! SURPRISED! ASTOUNDED! when their feet started bleeding out.

First of all, don't come crying to me for sympathy. I stand in four-inch stilettos for anywhere from 6 to 13 hours a day. Let me play my iPhone app of the world's tiniest violin for you. Don't be stupid. Wear cute flats or riding boots.

Second of all, this isn't your living room. By the end of the show this carpet will have been walked on by 1.2 million people, all of whom have just walked through Manhattan streets. Have you looked at the streets in New York City? Have you seen what's on them? Allow me to enlighten you.

Here are some things I've walked through this week on NYC streets and sidewalks:
- Pee (human and animal)
- Gasoline
- Spit
- Chewed gum
- Tobacco juice
- Rancid milk
- Coal dust
- Dog sh!t
- Baby vomit

And then do you know what happens? I walk on the carpet at the auto show in those very same shoes! And so does everyone else in attendance! And all that grody crap that's on the bottom of our shoes is transferred onto the carpet! And then you walk on the carpet in your bare feet! So you now have pee, gasoline, spit, chewed gum, tobacco juice, rancid milk, coal dust, dog sh!t and baby vomit all over the bottoms of your nasty a$$ feet.

And you wonder why your pedicure lady starts talking smack about you in Korean as soon as you sit in the spa chair?


  1. You are already touching this stuff with your hands. Money, door knobs, counter tops, all have germs on them that you would not believe, and then you put your hands near your face. Since your feet are not put near your face, it matters little what you touch with them, as long as you wash them before you put closed shoes on. And you don't wear gloves all the time, do you? That is how germs are spread, and our immune system usually does a fine job protecting us. When is the last time you washed the bottoms of your shoes? Or the inside of your shoes? And by the way, during the early 1970s many young people were going barefoot all over NY, was a fad for a while in the US. That was the much more dangerous, much dirtier version of NY than today's NY. You could not go anywhere in public, most places in the US, indoors or out on a nice summer day without seeing a fairly sizable minority of young people, especially women, going barefoot. And the world did not end. You think beaches are all that 'clean'? Do seagulls use toilets? How about car mechanics - they touch tires that rolled on god-knows-what, touch large amounts of automotive fluids, all day. Then they wash their hands. No big deal. Kids play football and fall on grass in parks that animals have no doubt pooped in, who knows what else is there, then they get into their mother's car to go home. And also, no one worries about that. They take a shower afterwards. Your dog walks all over the city, then you bring him into your apartment. Your cat goes to it's litter box and walks all over your counter tops. Etc. Etc.

  2. I wash my hands once an hour and sanitize in between. My shoes come off as soon as I step inside the doorway, both in my own home and in hotels. I don't care how you try to spin it, walking around barefoot in a city is disgusting and unsanitary. There's a reason why shops and restaurants say "No shirt, no shoes, no service."

  3. Thanks for the tips. I'll be the guy at the Javits Center tonight with shoes on who will now be watching for all this stuff you've been blogging about...and maybe a few cars.

    Hope you're taking in some of the sights while you're in town!

  4. i love how you have a blog about how you hate everybody. i feel the same way just haven't found an outlet for it. bravo.

  5. Restaurants and shops say "No shirt, no shoes, no service" because of that barefoot fad of the late 1960s and early 1970s that hippies started, then spread to the mainstream. No actual laws exist regarding such matters, it's all up to the business owner's preference. Those signs did not exist until the late 1960s. And your washing and sanitizing your hands once every hour, while commendable, is a bit overdoing it and sounds like OCD. And that's no spin. The entire chemistry of earth and all it's life is controlled by microbes.

  6. That is unbelievable. Would anyone with authority with the show approach these people and tell them to put their shoes on? I would think the 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' mantra would apply.

    By the way, I really enjoy reading this blog.

  7. Tell you what, Anon - you take a job where you have to spend a week touching things that 1.2 million people have put their grubby hands all over - a job that offers no paid sick days - and then you can tell me how often I should or shouldn't wash my hands.

  8. "Anonymous" must be one of those barefoot and/or often shirtless hillbillies I keep seeing in supermarkets and eateries during the warmer months. He/she's pretty adamant about defending such lame behavior. Bad enough they have to keep exposing those grody-ass, gnarly stank dogs to the rest of us, but even worse is when they feel the need to do so in confined spaces. Ever had to sit downwind of unwashed feet at the movies or a seminar or something similar where you have to sit captive for an hour or more? You know, like a food handlers permit or health and hygiene class? Well, it ain't pleasant or fair or right. They invented shoes (and soap) for a reason. Do us all a favor and quit showing the world what a "free spirit" you are--or whatever the hell else you think you're doing.

    BTW, ladies, dirty feet are not now, nor have they ever been, "sexy".

  9. Baron Von DangerouslyApril 12, 2010 at 9:59 AM

    Please, I think it is nasty when people walk around the city in sandals. It is a frickin city, not some sand dunes in Cabo. Last thing I want to look at when I am on the train is some nasty grubby toes.

    I mean, when the hell are you going to do when the zombies attack? No wait...never mind, just stay there.

  10. Instead of complaining about the things that you can not change at the auto shows, have you ever considered asking them why they had their shoes off. Maybe you should take the time to educate yourself on the numerous different causes. This is why they had their shoes off. Take a look. Maybe you could learn from these people who try to raise awareness.

  11. Anon, first of all I am fully aware of the Thursday slacktivism thing. And yes, it is SLACKTIVISM. Walking around barefoot is about as effective as signing an online petition. If they really cared about putting shoes on kids' feet they'd bring a bunch of shoes to Africa themselves. Second of all, that is not what was going on here. These were all women in their late 30's to late 40's holding their shoes in their hands. There was no awareness raising going on.

  12. Hours and hours in 4-inch stilettos sounds like a recipe for crippled feet! How do you manage to avoid foot problems? And what are the tricks of the trade for making heels comfortable (or rather, less uncomfortable?)

  13. I'm enjoying your blog, makes me feel better about my own corporate computing job. I will respectfully disagree with you on the bare feet bit. As long as you have no open cuts on the soles of your feet, walking around barefoot is less dangerous than wearing shoes. Shoes are moist damp environments that teem with bacteria and molds in the best of cases. And frankly, that kind of environment is why most people have foot odor in the first place. I do generally wear shoes in unfamiliar places, but bare feet are less likely to cause problems than the shoes.


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